Looking Back…

Yeah, I was scared. I tried not to be, but I have to admit I was scared. Things go wrong all the time. But I knew I was in good hands. The best, as it happened.

I used to be afraid of flying. After my first flight I figured I was going to take off and land all the same, so I might as well have a good time instead of worry. Fuck it.

I wasn’t in control this time either. There was absolutely no point in worrying. This was the attitude I tried to have going into surgery. I was fully aware that things would most likely go well, but ‘most likely’ is still not a particularly comforting thought when it comes down to it.

I really refused to think about any other outcome though. I was pretty drugged up, but still aware that I was about to undergo major surgery. I remember a completely peaceful feeling just before I went under. Thinking about my dad and how he’s completely calm in these situations really let me keep my mind in a good place. I knew who was there with me and who would be there when I woke up. I can’t emphasize enough how much that helped. Seeing you worry actually helped me take my thoughts off of myself because I like to be in control and I was thinking about how to tell you everything would be ok.

As it turned out, everything went extremely well and I couldn’t be happier with the medical treatment I received. God bless the nurses on the 10th floor. Jill was especially amazing and made me feel like I had a second mom taking care of me. It was almost like staying in a swank hotel, except for the part where I was confined to a bed with shitty food and they kept coming in six times a day to politely stab me with a needle. Good times.  🙂

In all honesty, I could have handled it by myself, but I didn’t have to, and that made it infinitely easier to go through. I can’t stress enough how grateful I am to have had the support from the people that put up with my bullshit in the hospital, despite what an awesome, non-demanding, not-ever-complaining, always-coherent, perfect patient I was. I know it was stressful and not easy and I gained a great deal of care and respect for you for taking care of me and coming to see me.

Ich bin Ihnen sehr dankbar.

Happy New Year and here’s to many more!

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